The Resilience of Youth

I think that I am ever surprised by the resilience of the majority of teens and pre-teens. Yesterday I arrived back after 12 days in Xi'an China with 139 year 7 students. One of the major unwritten goals of this trip was to promote resilience and self-reliance in the children, and it forms a culmination to the choices program we offer. Only on reflection do I see what a task that was when you consider that they are all pre-teens. 

Being away from home for the first time presents problems and these are often made into larger than life emergencies. The idea of new being strange was a constant worry for myself, the parents and the accompanying teachers. The number of pre-trip emails I received from parents alerting me to the idea of "homesickness" was more than expected, and I suppose some of the students did suffer. But I think that more parents were prone. But it makes me wonder who they didn't trust, the teachers or the student? I know that in the preparation stages, we considered so many scenarios and worst case situations that I carried around a weighty tomb of "vital information" for all students. 

 

I know the temptation of many parents was to follow and step in if and/or when they thought things were going 'pear shaped', and at pick up yesterday I actually had one couple tell me they were there following us for three days. But such a gesture could easily have backfired and reinforced dependency rather than promoting independence and self-reliance. It appears that the parents did not have as much faith in their children as I did, and I know that stepping in would have undone all of the previous gains. I had unannounced visits by parents during breakfast and of course the ever present electronic chatter confirming a case of sniffles or a slightly raised temperature or ..... I recall the expression "being babied" used in my youth, but in these times it would probably be considered to be inappropriate, even if correct.

We managed a packed schedule that saw tired but content students arrive back at the hotel each night. I fully understand that chatting occurred in rooms after the advertised "lights out" time each day, but I also know that many strategies and tips were shared. This us one of the most pleasing aspects of the so called "free time" built into all school based trips - it tends to be informal chats on how they survived the ordeals of the day. The students actually teach each other better than we or their parents ever could, and come out of the experience as more confident and responsible people. As group leaders we let the children try first before we step in. I was providing encouragement rather than immediate solutions, especially for the few cases of homesickness or teething problems caused by suddenly having a roommate. A stock reply of "how proud will you be when you meet mum & dad next week knowing that you have done this!" Each time I used it, it had the positive impact. 

The growth experienced by each child varied, but I was more than pleased with the growth of the more coddled members of the group. One lad in particular stood out. Initially he was a little lost without the "comforting sound of helicopter blades", but he soon started to experiment with his new found freedom. I think he was a little surprised by the reaction of his peers. But overall, he soon quickly learned that he had the skills and support needed to be independent. I wonder what will happen when the shackles are again applied?

Children are never too young to develop support networks, and this trip proved that to be a fact. The idea of looking after the room mate was stressed, but not overly so. As I tell parents at our introduction evening, it is a chance for students to make a mistake in a safe environment. The fact that this sort of activity is common in kindergarten in Germany, makes me wonder why we feel that children are so delicate and incapable of looking after themselves? I think it is more the parents who suffer, as can attested by the constant barrage of texts and emails from one parent although her son was coping in his new environment. It was a case of imagination overtaking reality, with the silence from camp being construed as a problem or emergency rather than a success. 

The sad question that follows, is how long this feeling of growth and accomplishment will last now the children are back in the protection of the parents? After their performance on the program I would consider them all winners, but I wonder if that will be an accurate description after they have been back in the "safety" of their homes for any period of time? 

It's all about timing

Chatting the other day with the boy. We were watching sport and talking about 'champion players' or what most of us would call winners. A common observation came that they always seem to have 'time', even making time for themselves to make the 'big play'. But really I think that applies to every aspect of your life as 'using time effectively and well' requires practise. I would almost bet that these top players have this in all of their lives. Probably one of the most telling things about time is the fact that it is finite and it cannot be recycled and used again.

The recurring theme at school, and I'm sure in all other schools, is the question of time management. Most often it is linked with the whole idea of assessment, and that leads to the overworked and stressed comment about children. But after being at the chalk face for more than 30 years and witnessing the trials and tribulations of students in the lead up to matriculation (graduation), I can say that life is a constant. There have always been (and probably always will be) well organised and disorganised students in terms of time usage. Every school I have worked in has had some form of remediation or session(s) with students working at this and while there is always improvement in some, there are always a few that don't get it. 

The idea of executive function comes into play here. I know that teens live in the now and that the idea of delayed gratification is lost on most. This means that they will consciously or subconsciously (or both) circumvent the learning process. The first stage in learning us about detecting the information that comes at us each day and then deciding which gets through the first set of filters. Through a process this will enter the short-term and finally long-term memories, but that is a story for another blog. Let us simply say that the filter needs attention as much information is lost and effectively barred from entering the "memory loop". Executive function is the 'gatekeeper' of this filter.

At a conference I attended earlier this year, a senior student from the host school came on stage and gave insights into these and other points. He highlighted that idea of living in the now and the instant rewards as opposed to the delayed rewards that form an integral part of school and life. This in part explains the gaming problem experienced primarily by boys. He explained why students do things like procrastinate in terms of their ability (or inability) to self regulate the executive function. The development of this executive function will continue into adulthood for some, although the time when you can engage it depends on the individual. I have seen teens with it and adults still developing it. 

A common expression heard I'm sure by parents and teachers is "this is boring". It seems to apply to anything at particular times. I am amazed that the same activity can vacillate between boring and 'cool' (or whatever is an appropriate adjective). I see it linked with this instant reward and dopamine surge thing that goes on.  I think that the root cause of this does go back to executive function development. As I said, pre-teens and teens live for the moment and favour instant gratification. This is the main reason why time is wasted and procrastination, especially of school work, is so common and such a problem. The idea of an assignment deadline as 3-4 days away is an eternity for the student. But the problem then develops when suddenly the importance of time surfaces. The problem that develops from this is raised anxiety levels in themselves, their parents and their teachers.  

The idea of time and the need to use it 'wisely' is lost on most pre-teens and teens. Time is something they always have until deadlines loom and then we see the anxiety levels rise and interesting behaviour patterns emerge. Hopefully it will change, but a lot will depend upon the individual child and how we deal with it. 

Transference & Winners

I have been amazed how many talented people have sat in my classes over the years. These were successful (at the time) in their chosen area, and I wonder if they have been able to continue into their future. Some I know did not, but a few have.  I think this was largely due to their growth mindset and an ability to transfer their actions into all aspects of their life. I think that far too many had the fixed mindset and also wanted to compartmentalise their lives.

I often see students who are good in sports or the arts struggle with class. In truth it is more likely to be sports, as I think that students of the arts are able to transfer better or maybe they just develop greater resilience and mental toughness. They have success in their activity, but cannot have the same level of success in other areas, with me that would be academics. In many of the cases, the student sees other activities as separate parts of their lives, with little or no linkage. They simply assumed that they would be able to 'flick a switch' and mentally move from one area to the other. This is not the recipe for further growth in it either area. We carry the 'wins and losses from all areas of our lives' with us, and a simple 'hat swap' is not going to work. I see many of the problems coming from a growth mindset that is heavily goal oriented in one or two aspects of their life, and the 'divorcing' of other aspects as less meaningful in some way.  

Transference is this ability to take successes (and failures) from all areas of our lives and weave them together in a positive way. I suppose it's a growth mindset in action. I think the best introduction and lesson I had on this was from a 15 year old former student. Scott was a very talented sportsman, but struggled at school. He knew he had strengths and weaknesses, and academics was not really a strong point. After giving back another test I saw him at the end of class and started to tell him not to give up as I knew he was working really well and providing effort to his studies. Scott always arrived prepared for class and engaged in all activities so it frustrated me somewhat that he was still struggling. With a smile he turned and told me that it was OK, not to worry and that he would continue pushing himself. His next comment has stuck in my memory and I often repeat it to classes - "I have to train myself. I know that if I give up, it will make it that much easier to give up when I'm having a bad day." I think the maturity and confidence of his words struck a chord. Of course he is right, it goes to other adages like "as you sow, so shall you reap", and the crazy thing is he made it! His dream was always to play at the top level in his sport, thus proving commitment. Amazingly Scott was not always a winner in the more traditional terms, with failures aplenty but a really calm and mature attitude, and perseverance made him one.

I look back and think that Scott might not have been the most gifted sportsperson I ever met or taught, but he is one of the only ones to I know to attain his dream. The difference as I see it is in his ability to transfer all parts of his life into creating a winner. He is able to transfer the lessons learnt in all areas and really did adopt a growth mindset. Weakness, failure and learning all form the foundation of growth and resilience. 

The current mindset of student athletes I see is one of compartmentalization - lessons learnt in one area keep there, as the self-promotion kicks in to hide the weakness and learning experiences. But the resilience that the transference provides is lost. I  think that the resilience that Scott gained by attitude and mindset is obvious, but the continuation of it in current generations seems stymied by the helicopters that constantly circle.