Did they really say that?

I really sometimes wonder at the logic that is behind certain conversations that I have had with teens during my years of teaching. A fair amount of the time I have to spend with them out of class centres around the logical fallacies that are used in "discussions" between themselves, as they can often to lead to misunderstandings and conflict. I'm sure that this would also be true for most parents. It is important to realise that I am concentrating on teens in my discussion, but as we can all atest it is not confined to them with many adults also indulging in this dubious practice. I also note, with some irony, that it bears an uncanny resemblence to logic that is used by some (or most depending on how closely you follow) politicians. 

I think at times we put some of the conversations we have with teens as "just a stage they are going through" and they will soon grow out of. The whole concept of responsibility and responsible behaviour is yet to fully develop. According to certain brain based studies, teens will not begin to develop in this area until they are in their twenties. The problem is that not only will it affect their behaviour, but also their thinking and communication. So having conversations involving logical thinking can at times be a little problematic. I'm sure we can all relate to the comment the included ' .. but everyone else is doing it ....'. A totally illogical argument that involves this sort of thinking tells us a lot about the state of mind. But in the teen's mind this is a perfectly acceptable response as they try to find their place within the group and be a winner in their and their peer's eyes. I hate to say that I have heard similar arguments from 'adults', and it tends to be 'the sign of a weak argument to follow'.

I was having a really good discussion about the logical fallacies associated with arguments with a family member. She gave me a paper to read to help me understand the topic. It seems that there a list of common argument styles and as I read the paper I realised that they sounded most familiar. It seems that many of the styles are the preferred method of argument of teens, and I'm sure that many will be familiar with most of you. The problem now might be that I will try to label the argument rather than fully understand it. Many of the conflicts occur because the teen does not see or consider the accuracy of their words before they are uttered, and with the 'win - lose' mentality that goes with the self-promotion, using a variety of strategies to be seen as the winner. Now with this being such an important goal, then the truth and accuracy of comments tends to suffer.

One of the more popular methods adopted by our teens is referred to as "ad hominem". This is an attack on the character of a person rather than his or her opinions or arguments, and is perhaps the most insidious of the strategies that are commonly used. It does little to try to refute an idea, but is more focussed on attacking the other person. Having this sort of attitude that allows you to think you are able to be so judgemental, is a really good example of entitlement. Students can quickly find themselves on the wrong end of a bullying situation or worse. This can really change their relationships with others and it becomes imperative for their long term success that we help them. I really think that the best option is to communicate. In many of the cases that I have seen, the teen had little concept of either danger they were in or the actual nature of the verbal attack. But as a teen, especially older ones almost ready to leave home, they realize that ignorance and naivety are no longer viable or acceptable excuses.

But as with all things involved in a teen's behaviour I wonder how much is learned and its source? I find that when they use this form of argument, they are usually very emotional and really have no intention of seeing either logic or reason when talked to. I'm sure that parents could relate to conversations involving this about some other classmate or friend that somehow has angered them. I believe that the real reason is the result of self promotion and the 'push to be a winner' gone wrong. As responsible adults we need to help them through this period and discuss the problem, as it will help them immensely when they try to develop new relationships and try to maintain existing ones.

Try to provide strategies that will help:

• It's ok to have disagreements, some you will win and some you will lose
• It's not ok to make personal attacks in arguments as you will harm the relationships you have with friends and partners
• It's not ok to use stereotyping as part of your argument as not all members of a religion, culture, race or gender are all the same
• In an argument address the issues and not the individual as the argument is about something you care about 
• Use logical arguments and include specifics
• Most importanly, sometimes its ok to simply walk away from an argument