Pressures and Burnout

I suppose it again is mainly anecdotal, but my observations tell me that there seems to be raised anxiety levels in the students. The number of incidents and interventions that we see in all schools seems to be on the rise. The teenage years are very unsettling for many of us. We stumble through the physical and emotional changes with little guidance - I think that we would all remember with trepidation and hindsight. However, as I mentioned in a previous blog, parents seem to look after certain of the major decisions and leave others to the whim of trial and error. So we tend to find some well developed strategies alongside insecurities and uncertainty, and this does little to aid in the development of resilience.

The daily pressure on your child is both overt and covert. In reality your child will get their cues from each and every word and action we use. So they will rise and fall with on emotions, body language and throw away lines that we communicate to them during each and every interaction. Responses to the increased pressure will vary between rage and antagonism and the silent search for perfection.

One of the hidden results of parental actions and pushing is the search for perfection. Pushing and criticism leads to the belief that only perfection is good enough. It may not be an intended outcome of the push towards gaining goals, but it can be a message that your child hears "loud and clear'. They are not good enough and the only way to overcome this shortfall is to be perfect. While not denying that shooting for the stars can be a good thing, I think that if you are not careful it can become and obsession and that is not.

It seems to be a growing trend that some of the students I see are forever searching for perfection in all they do. I think this is a response to the push to attain at the 'expected level'. If and when they fail, then the results can be devastating. According to Carolyn Gregoire (full article here) they suffer from high rates of burnout. 

This view was enforced by studies done over the last 20 years by researchers (article linked) that concluded "the trait was highly correlated with burnout in school, sports and work. Burnout is characterised by feelings of physical and emotional exhaustion, cynicism, low motivation and decreased personal efficacy."   Again having witnessed the changes that occur due to the self-doubt that plagues them and the problems that accompany this I'm sure that you would agree that the low motivation is particularly disturbing during the school years, particularly the later teen years. The behavioural changes that are evident are real and the actual mental stagnation that occurs can negate previous progress. The self-doubt that gnaws at the student and lowers their image and self-worth to potentially worrying levels, in some cases we reach levels of depression. 

For many of us that is not really a readily recognised event until it fully manifests itself. Smaller steps along the way as they push themselves to reach perfection are probably less obvious. Although I must admit that I have had parents confide that "Johnny is a perfectionist" during conversations, and I believe that many see it as a very positive character trait. But as with all things, we should be careful what we wish for!

It makes me wonder if:

• we realise the effect we have on our children?
• I can recognise the signs that I am pushing a student too much?
• the search for perfection is really a good thing?