Overprotected and underprepared

It was quite by chance that I bumped into this article on over parenting. I see it (over parenting) all of the time and the problems that come from this are rather marked. It really is not a "new" situation and I have previously referring to the been children being put into "cotton wool" for protection. Again, I understand wanting to do the best for your child, but is cocooning them and making them avoid risks and risky situations really the best option if we want to instill resilience? know this theme has been a constant thread in much of the mainstream media of late.

It's amazing isn't it, the recurrence of resilience as a objective of both parenting and teaching, and yet so many of our children leave for college with only small supplies! This leaves them unprepared and 'unarmed' in terms of coping strategies for the new adventures that lie ahead.

The rise of the helicopter parent really has diminished a very important strategy in a child's learning - play. The idea of uncontrolled (by adults) play seems like a very risky concept to many. But really it's a great learning opportunity, especially for social growth and risk assessment, that simply goes begging. We know that children learn best by doing, but instead we pass on our wisdom to them. It goes against good practise but we persist. By play children learn quickly what us dangerous, what is safe and probably more important, boundaries that exist between the two.

Children have more smarts than we give them credit for. Yes, they may have a hiccup or two along the way, but the learning will be much more powerful that the moments of embarrassment that come with them.

I believe that some of the resistance that parents have in allowing their child to engage in this unsupervised play, is the stigma and embarrassment associated with failure. If a child slips up and has problems or is slightly injured during the play, the parent is somehow seen as a failure (as a parent). So rather than going through this "social stigma", they choose the option of control. We all seem to miss the idea the word fail is really an acronym for "first attempt in learning". I have often seen this in social media and see benefits in adopting it in discussions with children. The word, fail, itself has no stigma apart from the one we apply to it, and our children will soon pick up on this and thus it will be passed from one generation to the next. I think the major flaw with this overprotective thinking and mantra of the helicopter squadron is that our children out off their "uncontrolled play" until they are away from parents at college. Surely the risks are much greater and the falls much harder there than they would have been at a younger age. Again, you are robbing your child of opportunities to develop resilience, and we all realise how importance that is to "winners".

I think that the social skills learnt in play are also at times overlooked by parents. Admittedly we can see the best and worst in interactions between children, but by experiencing both they soon develop a better understanding. Children will form their own moral compass and borders regarding the behaviour that is and is not OK for certain situations. Parents give the basics of 'right and wrong' and what us acceptable in different situations. They will use and modify these as they move between the different social occasions. Children will adapt their behaviours to suit the people they are with, acting one way when with friends while another with family and yet another when in new places. Surely having been exposed to as many different social situations as possible will better prepare them for being away and surrounded by strangers at college! Society has so many different personality factors that our children will come in contact with during their lives. Why stop them from learning because we feel uncomfortable? Their coping skills will be enhanced. So, why deprive our children of this opportunity? The control factor (of the parents) is the obvious factor that comes to mind - they do not feel comfortable in these situations and that is quickly messaged to the child.

It makes me wonder if:

• I allow enough play or do I interrupt and think I am enhancing learning?
• I would let my children learn by doing?
• we as a society don't put a greater emphasis on play?
• as a teacher I promote play as a means of learning?